From The Window
by worrywart
Summary: I was inspired by one particular Andrew Wyeth painting of a boy looking out of a window for this one. Severus looks out the window all throughout his life. Here are a few vignettes of special moments he has looked out of certain windows.


Andrew Wyeth has done several window paintings among his works. I was particularly inspired by one a friend posted on Facebook. Thank you KCI47 for the beta, Jensteed for a look over as well.

* * *

Severus was a tall child even at the age of three, but he still needed to stand on tiptoe to peer over the sill and see out of the window in the sitting room at Spinner's End. It was hard for him to clutch the sill to keep from falling since the sleeves of his shirt were too long and covered his fingers. He stepped away from the window, shoved the sleeves up as far as he could, and tried again. This time he was successful! His toes bit into the small edge of the baseboard as he balanced himself.

He saw a wide variety of colours outside. He only knew the names a few of them…red and orange for example, but whatever those other colours were called, he thought they were the most beautiful things he had ever seen. Certainly his home had no colours like them…the sofa was plain tan and very dirty however much his mum yelled at his father not to eat while sitting there. The walls were plain white, and there were no pictures hanging anywhere.

He saw brightly coloured cars drive by. His family didn't have one, so the cars were fascinating to him. Some made loud noises, belching black smoke behind them as they roared past and others were silent and sleek. He dreamed of cars at night; someday he wanted one.

"Sev," a woman's voice called. "Come away from the window! I just cleaned it, and don't want your nose prints on it. 'Sides, it's cold out and you'll catch your death!"

With a sigh, Severus lowered himself to the floor and obeyed sadly. "Yes, mum."

SSHG

It was twilight, and an eight year old Severus sat on his bed looking out of the window. He had the measles and so was forbidden to leave his room. His father had raged when they found out the entire house had to be quarantined, which meant he couldn't go to the pub. Eileen tried to placate Tobias, saying that it was hardly Severus' fault; he had picked them up from school.

Severus' window looked out upon a play park not too far from his house, and he often watched the children playing. He didn't go there often because the other children didn't like him and tended to bully the sullen, ill-dressed boy.

Severus was watching two girls in particular; he knew of them from school, but they weren't in his class, so he didn't know their names. One was a dark-haired, tall girl who obviously was older than the shorter girl with the beautiful red hair. The girls sat on the swings and were pumping their legs to get as high as possible. Suddenly, the red-headed girl leapt off while the swing was at its highest point and for a moment, hovered in mid air before floating slowly and safely down. The dark-haired girl stopped swinging and hopped off, obviously yelling at her sister.

Severus knew…he just _knew_ the girl had magic. As soon as he was out of bed, he would go to the park and see if he could find her. He knew of no other child like him, and his mother never mentioned any other wizarding families living nearby. Was this girl a Muggleborn? He couldn't wait to find out if she knew about magic. Perhaps she too would go to Hogwarts? He lay back down and thought of the pretty red head. He hoped she would be willing to be his friend. He couldn't wait until Mum said he could go outside again. He'd go to the park and watch them first, and then would talk to them. Yes, that sounded like the perfect plan. He turned over, a small smile on his face as he fell asleep.

SSHG

Home for the summer holidays after his third year at Hogwarts, Severus stood looking out his bedroom window once again. The play park outside was deserted since no one could stand to be outdoors during the unusual heat wave gripping England. He would have gone over to Lily's, but she was spending the hols away at an aunt's this year. Severus really had no other friends, and it was too hot to wander around town or visit the library. He could go down to the sitting room to watch the telly—his father had managed to buy one on credit at Christmas—but his parents were once again fighting.

It was growing worse, he thought. Ever since he had gotten his letter to go to Hogwarts, his parents fought. His dad thought he was a freak, his mum tried to make him realise their son wasn't. It was a losing battle and had escalated to hitting and punching. The first time it happened when Severus was twelve and he tried to intervene, his father turned his anger toward Severus, and he received a broken nose and blackened eye.

He could hear Eileen begging Tobias to stop. Severus wanted to rush to him mum's side—he knew several new spells, dark spells (the Hogwarts library was full of obscure texts that held dark spells that even the staff were unaware of), and he could take care of his father once and for all—but his mum begged Severus not to interfere for fear Tobias would truly hurt him.

Severus gripped the windowsill as he heard another slap and scream. He vowed to avenge his mum, and he also vowed he would never treat a woman like his father. He would cherish any woman he loved. Always.

SSHG

Fourteen year old Severus stood looking out the sitting room window. It was Christmas time and the snow was falling. He kept glancing up the road to see if the Evans' were home yet; Lily had told him she would be shopping on the first Saturday they were home, and he could come over when they returned. In a pocket of his coat lay a small present, nothing much really, just a simple necklace with the word 'friend' in the design. He hoped she would like it.

With a sigh, he thought about the weeks he spent at Hogwarts. He had had hopes that school would be better than home and his Muggle school, but it wasn't. He was still bullied, and he couldn't seem to avoid Potter and his gang. Everywhere he went, there they were. He had been hauled up in front of the headmaster twice this term for fighting in the halls. He would get a stern talking to and a detention, and Potter and his gang got off with nothing. This made him angry; he tried to talk to Lily about it, but she told him to just ignore them.

Severus was a little jealous of the fact that Lily seemed to part of that little gang of Gryffindor thugs. She had been his friend first, not theirs. He was possessive of that…she was his only friend.

Before he could contemplate how much of a friend she was, a light flared in the window at the Evans'. His heart lurched and butterflies fluttered in his stomach. "Mum!" he called, "I'm going round to Lily's a moment."

"Don't be gone long, Severus; your father will be home soon."

"I won't!" He closed the door behind him and thrust his hands in his pockets, closing his left hand over the little package.

SSHG

Glad that the Slytherin dorms were empty, Severus stood looking out of the window near his bed, burning with humiliation. He felt as though he had been scourged and to top it off, he had lost Lily. His Lily, his lovely Lily. Lily whom he loved.

He leant his head against the cool panes hoping that some of the burning he felt would ease. It had been just after his last OWL exam and he had gone to the grounds to review the test. Other students also sought the coolness of the afternoon after exams, and it wasn't long before _they_ found him: Potter and Black with their sycophants, Lupin and Pettigrew. It went wrong very quickly; before he knew it he was hoisted into the air with one of his own fucking spells, his greying pants on view for the whole student body. Lily tried to get them to stop and he had lashed out, embarrassed beyond belief. He lashed out at the one true friend he had. He had called her…well, he had called her something unforgiveable. He didn't know what to do. He had attempted to get her to come out of the Gryffindor tower, but she refused and when he vowed to sleep in the hall until she did, one of the teachers stepped in and guided him to his own rooms, the other students laughing and whispering the tale as they made their way towards the dungeons.

Dumbledore did nothing. 'Boys will be boys' he was told. 'Ignore them; they were just playing'.

Severus began to wonder about a group of men he had heard about—from Avery and Mulciber, fellow fifth years—men who could help him in life; help him attain power, money, revenge. He shook his head. He didn't know what to do. He needed to think. He turned from the window and dropped into bed. Tomorrow would be time to think.

SSHG

Severus shivered as he woke up in the infirmary. The night's event came screaming back to him, instilling a new terror that made his bowels clench. He ran for the loo. When he was done, he took the hottest shower he could stand, scrubbing and scrubbing as though he could make everything that had happened wash down the drain. When the water turned cold, he dried off, dressed, and left the bathroom.

He wandered to a window and looked out as dawn was peeking over the north eastern sky. He could hardly believe he had nearly lost his life, but even more so, was disgusted by the apparent life debt he now owed James Potter.

Lupin was a werewolf, and Dumbledore let him in school; Severus' mind boggled. And Potter, Black, and Pettigrew knew the whole time. They tried to kill him tonight…after all this time, they _actually tried _to kill him! What had he done? Nothing at first. He was innocent from the moment he met them. Okay, not so much now, but he never started it in the first place. Anger came over Severus in waves. Not only was he _not_ allowed to tell anyone what had happened, those fucking berks didn't even get punished. 'We must remember Remus', Dumbledore had told him. 'If anyone finds out about his problem, he'll be pulled from school, perhaps even taken to Azkaban. The magical world does not tolerate his kind'. Severus remembered blindly agreeing in his shock, but now that he had time to recover, he didn't care…Azkaban was too good for the likes of Lupin.

Slughorn didn't even defend him in this. McGonagall too took the Gryffindor's side. In that moment Severus made a decision. No one helped him, no one cared, and no one trusted him or was willing to back him up.

Over the summer, before sixth year, Avery and Mulciber introduced him to Lucius Malfoy. Lucius had offered to take the three boys to lunch one afternoon, and they had a long discussion about a man named Tom Riddle or 'Lord Voldemort' as he styled himself. This man could offer him everything…money, women, power, revenge. Think about it, Malfoy had said. There was even talk of paying for his mastery; Lucius had heard Severus was quite good at potions, and his new master was looking for such a man.

Severus made up his mind. He would join the Death Eaters. No more would he have the backing of no one. He would have friends; he would have people who appreciated his skill. Yes, this was the best decision. As soon as he graduated next summer, he, Severus Snape, would become a Death Eater.

SSHG

Severus stood on the landing of the second floor, looking out of the window toward the lake as the boats punted across. _He_ would be in this years' intake. Her son. The son that might have been his had things not gone so badly wrong.

But things _had _gone wrong. His decision to join the Death Eaters eventually proved to be the worst decision of his life. Things had gone well at first. He had it all; power, prestige, money, women, friends, and had risen quickly into the prized Inner Circle. Then little by little, the cracks in the façade began to show. Power came with a price, prestige with an intricate dance of keeping one step ahead of the man behind him who was waiting to overtake Severus' place in the Inner Circle. He hated the games that had to be played in order to succeed and move through the ranks. And the women weren't Lily so he didn't even bother with that after a while. There were horrors as well, and the ultimate horror was the death of his Lily.

That was the night when two things happened. Lord Voldemort died, and Severus Snape became Dumbledore's man. But Severus knew he was on borrowed time. Rumours were already rife with hints of the Dark Lord's return, and her son was in the middle of it all.

He shook his head and turned away from the window. He had had to face his daemons, and his newest one would be in the shape of an eleven year old boy. He would do it; he would do it for her.

SSHG

Spinner's End was drearier than usual as Severus moved painfully through its rooms. He had just finished breakfast and wanted to relax in the sitting room. The grimy window caught his attention, rain sweeping down its panes. He went and stood to look out.

He had returned. The Dark Lord was back, and as far as Severus knew, the Ministry was doing its level headed best to ignore the fact. The Prophet blatantly called Dumbledore and Harry Potter crackpots. All the events that the Ministry previously glossed over as far as the boy was concerned, were now paraded through the pages of the Prophet and embellished to make the boy out to be a liar.

Was it just two weeks ago that the Tri Wizard Tournament had ended in disaster? The Diggory boy was dead, and Severus' promise to Dumbledore all those years ago had been called in. With grim determination, Severus had Apparated about two hours after his mark burned and for that, he paid a price. They all had paid the price to be honest. All were forced to prove their loyalty again. The Dark Lord was satisfied in the end, and Severus was 'allowed' to return to Hogwarts and continue his work as a spy. He was to bring Voldemort information that would lead him to the boy.

He leant against the panes of glass. What he wouldn't wish for to have never seen Lily at the play park that day when he had the measles. Life would have been so different if he hadn't loved her. But he had and he still did. He would go to his grave protecting her child and hope that because he had, in the afterlife she would love him too.

SSHG

Severus could hear the party going on in the ballroom of Malfoy Manor. He was in no mood to celebrate, although he knew his presence would be demanded before long. He stood looking out of the window in his room. His stance was rigid, hands clasped behind his back. He needed to hold himself as rigidly as possible because otherwise he would collapse.

He could see his face in the darkened glass. His hair was longer, skimming across his shoulder blades. His cheeks were more sunken now than before the school year had begun. Dark circles that would last into perpetuity surrounded his eyes. His eyes. He stared at himself. They glistened with emotion, and he feared that if he let go, he would never stop.

He had killed the only man he had respect for. Oh, Severus knew Albus used him abominably, but for each task Albus had asked of him, he did his penance. He could only hope that before long, he would follow Albus into the afterlife and then find his Lily.

A pop interrupted his thoughts. He turned to see a house-elf bowing deeply. "You may go, elf. I know why you are here." The elf disappeared. Taking one last look at the face in the window, Severus straightened his cravat and went to the door. As soon as he opened it, cheers broke out for the man who killed Dumbledore.

SSHG

The lab was pristine. All the equipment was scrupulously clean, all the stirring rods neatly aligned. All the burners were lined up on the shelf, and the caldrons gleamed on the preparation tables. She had left it perfectly neat, he mused as he made his way to the window.

The sun shone through the glass, and his eyes watered momentarily as they adjusted. Outside, he could see a small group of people standing and chatting, and among them stood his apprentice.

Hermione would leave today. Having completed her three year contract with him, she had gained her Mastery, and had been hired by St. Mungo's to conduct research in potions. He would miss her, he mused. She had been such a joy to him.

He hadn't expected to live through the war and was quite surprised to wake up one morning, about a month after the Final Battle, in the infirmary. He was quickly set upon by an overzealous Poppy, who reassessed his status, brought him up to date and then released him. He had been acquitted of Albus' death, reinstated as a Professor and opted to be Deputy Headmaster rather than Headmaster.

When he took on Hermione as an apprentice, there had been quite a bit of animosity between the pair. She drove him crazy with her know-it-all attitude; he drove her crazy with his snide comments and constant complaining. When an accident nearly cost Hermione her life, Severus changed his attitude toward her and she toward him and since that time, they grew quite close. In fact, dare he say it, he loved her. He did not want her to go away.

He hadn't realised he was not really seeing what was outside anymore until a bird pecked at the window and startled him. He opened the window and the creature hopped onto to the sill. He took a letter from its beak and scrounged around in his pocket for a treat.

Opening the missive, he saw the familiar handwriting of his former apprentice: 'Please don't make me go' it said. He looked back out of the window and saw her standing there, looking back at him. He turned the parchment over, wrote something quickly and gave it back to the bird. He watched it fly back to Hermione, who took the note and smiled. She read the note and then ran toward the castle.

All he had written was, 'Then stay'.

SSHG

He watched the reflection of a curly-haired woman approach him and reach up to run her fingers through the long hair that hung to his mid back. She loved it long and begged him not to cut it.

"What are you looking at, love?" she asked.

"I've spent a lot of time looking out of windows in my life," he answered.

"What do you see?" She nestled her head into his shoulder.

"Truthfully?" She nodded in answer. "Most of the time, I've seen nothing. No hope. The worst moments of my life."

"Do you see that still?"

Severus put his arm around the woman beside him and looked at her face in the glass. He took his hand and ran it along her cheek. "No. Now I see hope and a bright future."

"Are you happy, Severus?"

"Hermione, I never thought I could love another woman. I was certain I would love Lily until I died and beyond. I was certain I wanted to die. But you, my little know-it-all, you saved me and dragged me back to the land of the living. Yes, I am happy, and I do love you. Will you look out of windows with me from now on?"

"Always, love, always."


End file.
